Buzz and Jen fight back

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Buzz and Jen Fight Back
by Alison Barnet Contributor
Wednesday Sep 22, 2010

Okay, we’ve had it! Our way of life has been bashed, our values mocked, even our dog made fun of-please! Jean-Pierre is much bigger than a kitten! Now we’re going to have our say about Old South Enders.

Buzz: You know what I think? I think the glorious Old South End was nothing more than a bunch of people in Morgan Memorial clothes hanging around on the front steps drinking cheap wine and laughing loud, phony laughs. What was so funny, anyhow? They should have been inside renovating the kitchen or at least planting a window box.

Jen: And there sure was a lot to improve! Did you know that at one time there were 110 liquor licenses in the South End? That it was one of the highest crime neighborhoods in the city? And there was no Landmarks Commission to go after people who did the wrong thing with their buildings. Back then, you could paint your railings bright red and nobody stopped you. It was a free-for-all!

They probably liked it like that.

Talk about entitlement and arrogance! They think they own the South End just because they’ve been here a long time, but that’s not a very good reason.

They claim their investment was in time and love. Isn’t that cute?

They are something between a flower child and a Black Panther, aren’t they, Buzz? It’s so tired!

And they’re always talking to people! You meet one of them in a store and you can’t get away. Can’t they just smile and move on? They ask ’How are you?’ and they wait for the details! What’s the matter with them? And, of course, they’ve got nothing nice to say to us, just complaints about everything, especially when a fun new café tries to open up.

Yeah, you’re standing in the store and, of course, they know everybody, and they have to greet every single one of them-by name! And I hate the way they’re so brutally honest, always bringing up racism as though it was a normal part of civilized conversation.

Yeah, they see racism everywhere, always shoving it down our throats. It’s like they don’t know we’re liberals.

And that stuff they say at meetings: I’ve lived here 35 years and I remember when everyone knew everyone, when we looked out for each other. If someone in your family died or if you were sick, we brought you a bowl of soup...blah blah blah.

Yeah, and if the sick person just got out of prison, they brought them two bowls of soup.

If life was so good and everything was so wonderful, what makes them so crabby?

There’s nothing here for them anymore, that’s why. They should just move on. Like we did.

I wonder where they’d go.

Who cares.

Listen, this is amusing. Can you imagine if they owned a condo upstairs? They’d always be saying, ’Let’s use the plumber I used forty years ago,’ or ’I’ll get my brother-in-law to fix the roof.’ And they’ll be these funny old guys, mixed race, you know, smokers and drinkers, and you can’t understand a word they say.

Don’t ever go to the South End Branch Library, Jen-it’s loaded with them.

Or the YMCA. They glom together in those places. And you should see what they wear to exercise! A pair of old shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing matches, no brand names.

I’ve noticed they only like old stuff: old furniture, old computers, old books, and I’m sick of hearing about those old restaurants-Nadia’s, the Premier, "the Fez"! They probably got food poisoning and lied about it.

And the way they put out their garbage in little colored plastic bags from stores, no pizza boxes. They wouldn’t eat Upper Crust if their lives depended on it, just because of the name.

And did you ever see them sitting in an outdoor café at Toro or Hamersley’s or any of the other great places?

No, but I see them walk by and give us a dirty look! For what? For having the money to eat there and enjoy ourselves? What’s wrong with that?

You know what it is, hon, it’s sour grapes. They won’t admit it, but they wish they were us: young and rich with a luxury condo, granite and stainless, a Jeep, deeded parking, and a dog the size of a kitten.

Jean-Pierre is not the size of kitten!

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